How To Get What You Want, Just By Asking For It

Someone asked me once what I thought the secret to my success had been over all these years. I didn’t hesitate to answer – my secret has been the power of “The Ask!” What do I mean?

I have had significant success in obtaining almost every job I ever wanted and applied for and have created a life I dreamed of in large part – and I mean LARGE PART – because of the power of questions! Friends and family often said, “Wow, isn’t that great how your Company always moves you to new jobs and new opportunities! You are so lucky!” Well, not exactly, since I asked for just about every opportunity I ever received! And then I ask again!

My father says luck is preparation that meets opportunity. When you meet opportunity, however, sometimes you have to take the first step – and that can usually begin with a question! Ask and you shall receive, right?

So why don’t you ask for what you want? I hear more people complain about their circumstances and their situation than the average person (remember, I’m a coach!) … when I ask them what do they wish were happening, they usually know in great detail what they would RATHER see happening and share it with me. My next question, however, usually throws them for a loop for some reason. “So,” I say, “Have you ever asked for that?” And 9 times out of 10 the answer is something like, “Well, um, no.”

Okay then – if you don’t ask then you are guaranteed NOT to get what it is you wish you had.

The question that then follows is WHY NOT? Well, depending on who you are and what your limiting beliefs or historic story is will provide the answer to why not. That’s something only you know and the goal is to figure out what is stopping you… why not ask yourself?

Here are some questions you might consider asking yourself as a starter – to, you know, ease your way into asking for what you really want! It really does start with YOU!

ACTIVITY : I found some of these questions from the famous Coach Martha Beck and some are my favorites with my clients – STOP RIGHT NOW and take the next 10 minutes just pondering these 10 questions.

1. What really matters most to me?

2. Is what I am doing, really what I want to be doing?

3. So say I lived in the perfect house, with untold wealth, an adoring mate, a full staff of servants … then what?

4. What feels right?

5. What potential memories am I bartering, and is it worth the price?

6. How do I want to be different because I lived in this world?

7. Are my thoughts hurting or healing?

8. When something bothers me, why? What am I making it mean?

9. What questions should I be asking myself?

10. Finally, what questions could I be asking those around me?

NEXT: Before capturing your answers – SCHEDULE some YOU time to sit down and answer them – thoroughly. Once you know the answers for yourself, asking someone else for what you want becomes that much easier! I promise!



Nicoa is the Managing Partner of Holland Archer and President and Chief Relationship Rover of Roving Coach International where she brings 16 years of experience in global corporate communications and strategic human resources (HR). As a strategic business partner and coach, her collaborative approach to innovative problem solving is refreshing and motivating for those working with her. An undergraduate of NC State University, master’s of arts graduate from Ball State University and certified in international business administration from Charles Sturt University (Australia), her career background also includes 8+ years with GE, where she graduated from the GE Human Resources Leadership Program (HRLP). Her 4+ years with Thermo Fisher Scientific (TMO) spanned 20 countries and included over 10,000 employees in her client group. And most recently as the SVP of HR for Allscripts Healthcare Solutions where she provided key leadership in the transformation of Misys Healthcare, positioning the company and culture for growth and the ultimate merger with Allscripts — creating the NEW Allscripts (MDRX).

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